Money’s not the monster

I’m not gonna lie, I’ve never been very good with money. The only times in my life I’ve felt in control (in retrospect) have been when I’ve taken breaks from drinking (strange, huh?). The first time in my life that I can remember having a strong hold on my finances was my sophomore year of college; I stopped drinking for about 6 months because my boyfriend at the time and I fought incessantly while intoxicated. The next time was last year during sobriety, and finally, right now (sober again!). It’s pretty interesting to think about…in the moment I really had no idea how much booze was wreaking havoc on my relationship with money (even when I racked up 15k in credit card debt, made payments late, or borrowed money from my mom/boyfriend/friends).

Two days ago, my boyfriend and I bought our tickets to visit his dad in Okinawa, Japan, in November. My boyfriend and I split my ticket because his dad paid for him, so it’s not an amazing amount of money or anything, but to be honest, it blows my mind. I started saving on August 1st; the fact that I was able to save so much money in less than a month is nothing less than a miracle.

Realizing that money isn’t the enemy, and that it can be my friend is a huge step for me. I’m slowly working on my relationship with money and trying to nurture, respect, and care for it; making such a big purchase (in cash, and for such a monumental adventure) absolutely motivates me to continue this work. I feel grateful to be seeing results, however small, in each passing day. Recognizing my progress and achieving my goals (step by step), whether it be waking up earlier, saving money, not beating myself up, or remembering the night before, is so important to my growth.

Now that our trip to Japan (that we’ve been talking about for a year) is a reality, I feel energized and excited to continue saving money, for the trip and beyond. Success (in any light) is not achieved overnight. I’ve always had a tendency to want instant results, which has lead me to countless disappointments. Drinking fed this unrealistic view because it enabled me to procrastinate and live in denial about my goals. Accepting and embracing that success takes perseverance, discipline, and time is a tremendous improvement for me.

I feel like I can do anything I put my mind to, and I truly believe I wouldn’t be able to make these changes if alcohol was still running my finances (and life!).

Love + Light,



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